A COVID-19 experience in a home away from home, away from home
The COVID 19 pandemic has brought a bit upheaval too many in society, and of course, academics are no different. The disruption in travel has created a significant mental and emotion burden on those who have travelled far and wide in the purist of their academic careers, goals and challenges. Dustin Oranchuk knows this as well anyone. Here he talks very openly about his own story of how COVID 19 disrupted his plans, what affect this had on him before he reflects on his whole experience.
“These restrictions left me unable to collect data, analyze previously harvested tissue samples, earn money, or return to New Zealand (where I had most of my friends, a flat/room, my car, and many belongings). ”
Students’ lives have been massively affected by the COVID-19 global pandemic. While many have had it far worse than myself, I believe my experience was unique and worth sharing.
Though Canadian, I began and completed the first portion of my doctoral (PhD) training in Auckland, New Zealand. These first two years were a great experience with plenty of data collection, writing, publishing, and learning successes. Then, as part of a well-rounded PhD experience, I decided to take the opportunity to spend several months collecting data in Melbourne, Australia, where one of my supervisors was based. This opportunity seemed like a logical step as it gave me the chance to collate some more specific data for the PhD and the opportunity to utilize some new analysis techniques. The first few months were filled with the usual challenges relating to ethics, learning new methodologies and participant recruitment, and building a new social structure. However, despite these typical obstacles and hurdles, data collection began to accelerate between December to February. Enter COVID-19.
Like many, I did not know what to make of COVID-19 when it first meaningfully entered the news cycle. Additionally, my team and I were only a handful of participants from wrapping up the current round of data collection, allowing me to analyze and write the planned final experimental chapter to be included in my PhD thesis. I was also about to embark on my first teaching role, lecturing an in-person course, which would have been a great experience and financially helpful. Instead, we decided to continue with data collection and hope for the best regarding shutdowns and teach and border restrictions. An additional two collection sessions were completed before New Zealand announced border closures to non-citizens and permanent residents at midnight on the 3rd of February (I saw the announcement at 8 pm). Universities responded quickly, and laboratory access was soon forbidden, with in-person teaching cancelled. These restrictions left me unable to collect data, analyze previously harvested tissue samples, earn money, or return to New Zealand (where I had most of my friends, a flat/room, my car, and many belongings).
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The above scenario was stressful for a variety of reasons. How was I going to complete my PhD? Would I need additional financial support on top of current loans? Would there be any relevant positions in the future? When would I see my friends again?
At this point, the reality of the pandemic dawned on me, and I knew it would likely be several months before labs reopened. The possibility of returning to New Zealand was also in question. These circumstances were difficult for me to deal with as my PhD had been a massive portion of my identity over the previous years, and New Zealand had become a second home. I had done everything in my power to finish promptly, with enough relationships and a CV I hoped would be impressive enough to find a faculty or fellowship position upon completion. With my identity and career trajectory in jeopardy, I went through a period of unproductive reflection. I constantly ruminated about what I should have done, or even if I should have started a PhD in the first place, or at the very least, if that I should have stayed in New Zealand for the entirety of the program. After all, one of the main reasons for moving to Melbourne was to gain wet-lab skills, which was now impossible. These feelings were only exacerbated by social media as I was able to see fellow graduate students in New Zealand collect data and kiwi friends generally enjoying life. At the same time, I was ‘stuck’ dealing with the particularly drastic Melbourne lockdowns.
“Though I did my best, my stress was evident to those around me. I found myself less talkative with less interest in typical conversation while simultaneously longing for more social interaction. As such, I became irritable regardless of people’s intentions. To make matters worse, I found it extremely difficult to disconnect from the PhD, which subsequently decreased the quality of my work, reducing the number of papers I read and leading to procrastinating on building valuable skills. ”
Though I did my best, my stress was evident to those around me. I found myself less talkative with less interest in typical conversation while simultaneously longing for more social interaction. As such, I became irritable regardless of people’s intentions. To make matters worse, I found it extremely difficult to disconnect from the PhD, which subsequently decreased the quality of my work, reducing the number of papers I read and leading to procrastinating on building valuable skills. For example, instead of disconnecting for an hour, I would bring my laptop to the home gym and review thesis chapters (as this was the most time-pressed outcome) in-between exercises. Counter productively, this reduced the quality of my exercise sessions and substantially increased the time spent in the gym. Most importantly, however, it stole one of the only opportunities to disconnect from academia, which further eroded my non-academic identity and any motivation to focus on the process of building upon my knowledge and skillsets.
I stayed up later, slept longer and exercised less, despite my early intentions of exercising more, thanks to the home gym and mild Melbourne weather. I believe part of this was due to no longer having training partners or any social aspects of physical training. Additionally, this time revealed that a considerable motivation for exercise stemmed from wanting to look good. Without anyone to look good for, I did not have the same desire. Though I never became unhealthy, I had always maintained a regular gym schedule and took pride in my physical fitness, which led to additional feelings of disappointment.
So, what helped me get through this particularly dark period? While there are several things that I would have done differently in hindsight (which will be discussed), many strategies enabled me to maintain perspective, happiness, and productivity.
First, I completed the introduction and the majority of thesis formatting while completing the statistical analysis and write-up of correlational and experimental chapters. Most importantly, my team and I were able to find a creative solution to collect data to round out the PhD. This collection was highly unusual and highlighted a bit of luck, as I had excellent colleagues at the institute in New Zealand, one of the few countries functioning without issue. Thus, I recruited participants online and have a fellow PhD student collect the data with myself video calling into New Zealand to instruct and supervise the collections. Being able to video into a lab and collect data that led to the timely completion of the degree had an incredibly beneficial effect on my mental wellbeing. Beyond the data itself, the data collection provided an excellent opportunity to socialize with my colleagues in New Zealand and feel connected to the department again. Similarly, I had regular video calls with several co-authors/friends regarding side studies that had already been collected or were in revisions. Next, I was able to help my Melbourne supervisor electronically run a strength and conditioning course from his home gym, another opportunity to build experience, help others, and earn some income.
Other factors that contributed to my mental health at this time arrived from a unique living situation. As the original plan was to have a six-month stay in Melbourne, my supervisor (Dr. André Nelson) was generous enough to convert a study room into a bedroom, the benefits of which increased by a large magnitude during the pandemic. As we had (and still have) a great relationship, this arrangement was mutually helpful and highlighted the importance of open communication, teamwork, problem-solving, and being humanistic. Thus, I rarely felt isolated and could help occupy his now home-schooled children by taking them to the park, helping with school assignments, or experimenting with baking. I also found a surprising amount of satisfaction through cleaning and organizing the house. While helpful to him, the ability to contribute to the household, and play video, board, and card games with the kids helped break up the day, provide a purpose beyond the PhD, and perhaps most importantly, escape from the near-constant negativity and comparison present and often encouraged by social media. Of course, having a dog to take for regular walks and cuddles also didn’t hurt! To sum it up, I was genuinely welcomed as a member of the family over the ~13 months that I spent in Melbourne and still regularly talk with André and the boys.
Similarly, being someone that others could depend on for companionship helped maintain perspective and purpose. For example, my grandmother was regularly isolated from her friends and family throughout the pandemic. I know it helped her to call periodically, even if we eventually ran out of topics. I was also in regular contact with students who did not have enough data collected to progress and workers who were worried about supporting their families; stories that help me keep a healthy perspective.
Lastly, I began to reach out to established researchers in hopes of finding post-doctoral positions, which was a double-edged sword. On the one hand, no post-doctoral position has been secured to the date of this article, which has added stress and uncertainty (who likes rejection?). But, on the other hand, I was happy that several world-renowned researchers clearly read my CV and positively replied to my emails. At the very least, I polished my CV and gained experience in drafting emails, cover letters and research proposals. I also wrote my first’ teaching philosophy’ and ‘diversity statement’. These gave me a sense of accomplishment and taught me a lot about myself by forcing me to reflect on why I enjoy teaching and research. Finally, I have returned to Canada, successfully defended my thesis, and am working in a related field. As a result, I can practically apply my knowledge, positively influence others, and utilize many of the skills built during the PhD, including data analytics and data visualization and decision making!
Though it is complicated based on circumstances, I will conclude by listing several things I wish I would have done differently in hindsight.
· Reading more research articles in full: I believe the main reason behind not reading more was that gathering knowledge through research papers is part of the process but does not typically result in an immediate outcome. A perspective skewed by the pandemic.
· Learning to code: Throughout the PhD process, I have witnessed the power of solid coding skills through software including Matlab, R and Python. Though I was lucky to have several collaborators with coding knowledge, I made the mistake of relying on them instead of building my skillset; something I wish I had capitalized on during the pandemic.
· Discovering a new, non-academic hobby: While I am rarely bored, I believe that having another hobby, especially outdoors, would have been valuable going forwards in academia. At a minimum, this would have reduced screen-time in an ever-increasingly digital world while ideally building another non-academic fascist of life.
In brief, I believe a greater focus on the process versus outcomes would have been hugely beneficial, and something I (and many others) have struggled to do in graduate school, considering the pressure to publish. Although I had previously reflected, writing for ‘Inside Academia’ has allowed me another opportunity to reflect, bolstering my goal to increase the quality of my work and find an environment where I can build the skillsets I missed out on due to pandemic restrictions. Something possible now that time-based deadlines are less confining. Finally, I have committed to practice gratitude consistently and take time to build upon non-academic portions of my life.
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written by: Dr Dustin J Oranchuk
twitter: @DustinOranchuk
edited by: Dr. Matino V. Franchi
